I’m selfish and stupid. I’m selfish enough to always want my friends to be there when I need them, to bend over backwards if I want them to, to place me before anyone else in their lives. And I’m stupid enough not to tell my friends that I treasure them so much, that I would literally crumble to the ground if they weren’t there. As much as I like my quiet time, but sometimes the silence gets too deafening and I need someone to fill in the gaps.

the chunk of words just came out of nowhere. This is probably me subconsciously trying to apologize about how crappy a friend  I have been, and probably will continue to be this year. 

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So let me hold both your hands

in the holes of my sweather 

I can’t draw at all but I like to delude myself that I can, and I can’t write at all, but I like to think that i can come up with something whimsical and fancy when I feel like it. Maybe this is me sobering up, that I don’t really have a talent at all. But the feeling of holding onto a real pencil and watching the carbon transfer onto a piece of paper is kinda addicting, so I’m going to continue anyway, who cares if the end result is ugly. 

on another note, I am kinda excited for tomorrow, going to the lecture at smu after school. I may end up falling asleep, but it just seems like such a grown up place to be ( when I’m going to be somewhere like that next year what is my brain doing), and well, it’s in the town area, so it’s more classy then where we’re situated!

yeap, this week has been good so far. Let’s hope it continues. But tbh I think it’ll probably be ruined tomorrow when the papers are returned. I studied hard for these few tests, so I’m hoping it’ll be reflected in the marks. But knowing me, it probably won’t be. 

oh yes, and the random thought that my brain decided to pop out right when I was about to end off this post: people who have birthdays in the school term are so lucky gdi. Especially those at the start of the year. People tend to put in the effort, and do elaborate antics to make the person feel like the king/queen of the world. Me? a facebook notification would be a pleasant surprise. But then that’s just me feeling sorry for myself.

What am I writing. ugh whatever this blog is 90% incoherent anyway 

 

My younger self must have been insane to think that putting rv as the top choice when she was choosing schools was a good choice. It’s the last year already, and usually people start to get a bit nostalgic, but i’m still the same, hating where I’m stuck at. And today just confirmed it.

This whole series of lessons is so hypocritical. The school rules state that we can’t be in relationships (riiight… who does that any more? Is this even a JC? are we even 18 in the school’s eyes? Even the law says that we should be treated as adults already, and the school doesn’t even trust with our personal relationshps? Ridiculous). and yet, they are teaching us about marriage and all that crap, which is at least 5 years away. What gives??? there isn’t even the first step taken yet and you already want us to plan out who we would want to commit to for the rest of our lives?) 

Secondly, what the hell is with the questions LOL. What wedding song do you want? what kind of marriage do you want? Does it look like I have the time to sit around and draw up the ballroom that my wedding is going to be held in, decide the tablecloth colour and the kind of ambience I want?) Freaking ridiculous.  What kind of marriage do I want?? Lol what if I don’t even want to get married ( okay I do) but what the hell why are you forcing me to tell you what I want in a relationship. Especially not to a room full of strangers. That’s just bullshit if you think I’m going to be open and spill my heart to the world. I’m sorry but you’re going to have to find some other clueless teenager to probe. 

8 more months before I’m out. I can do this. I can do this. 

 

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