Flashbulb Eyes

I have to get up at 5 tomorrow. Help me.

The holiday is half over! It’s been relatively more eventful then what my holidays would usually be like. Met the birthday twins WAY before the actual date and got presents from both of them (whoop whoop!) and then on my actual birthday itself B-to-B managed to surprise me with a cake at my doorstep. Okay tbh I was half expecting it, but when they came I had about 3 minutes to get myself ready and I was laughing so hard when they entered my house and I couldn’t even hold the cake properly oops. So yeah, my birthday did not suck for once. 

And what else have I been doing?.. work? That’s been relatively simple. I handle methodical tasks well I think, so it was easy for me to settle into the rhythm of plonking down the main dish, splitting the food into individual bowls, clearing the main dish and plates and replacing them with new ones. I’ll be going again tomorrow. Crossing my fingers that it’ll go smoothly xx



I am on my phone so excuse the horrible formatting. this post is going to be even more incoherent than usual since I just feel like pouring out my sentiment at the moment. 

There’s a chubby baby being carried in front of me which always leads me to random thoughts of innocence, or the lack thereof once he/she grows up. Since when has it become such a stigma not to know ‘adult’ things? Doesn’t that mean that one is sheltered from the rather cruel things of the world. 

My sister fractured her finger. The fragility of the situation. How a simple game can lead to that kind of pain. 

i attribute this pointless post to the lack of sleep i have had today. 

My feet ache. 

The Things We Care About Most Are The Things We Destroy Best

Thought Catalog

I am constantly at grips between my brain’s wanderlust and my penchant for certainty. I realize my belief that the former will lead me to the latter isn’t supported by experience or logic but that somehow still doesn’t trivialize its effect. I have always felt as though things are most comfortable when there’s the possibility that they can be different, though that mindset proved to be my Achilles’ Heel. Because I put so much importance on the idea of finding truth that alongside it arrived the fear of getting it wrong, and so began my devolution into uncertainty and indecision.

What I didn’t realize until it was too late was that it was this inability to accept that most things are impermanent and uncertain and fleeting was what led me to destroying any time I would have had with them. We tend to be most indecisive about what means the most and it…

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The 3 Real Problems Of Our Youth

Thought Catalog

1. Instant gratification

You want something, it comes to you so quickly and effortlessly that it became necessary. You need information, you type something and it comes out, within seconds. Speeding things up did not help in making you a better person because what we have become is demanding, unappreciative and stupid.

Truth is if you want something, you probably have to go through some hardship before you get what’s worth it. Generally, anything that comes easy aren’t good stuff.

2. Validation

You post a photo up, and you expect likes and comments because you need people’s validation of “your good life”. You need people to tell you the clothes you wear are chic, the things you buy are trendy, the places you go to are cool. Why?

Truth is you don’t need a constant affirmation of what you eat, what you do, who you hang out with. You don’t need the…

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The Secret To Being Young And Stupid

Taking photos! I’ve been doing that a lot recently. These people, these moments suddenly seem a whole lot more important

Thought Catalog

Cut your friends hair. Do it around sunset, on a dock in Shawnigan Lake. Set up a chair on the edge and let the hair fall onto the lake like water spiders. Use dull scissors and your cell phone flash light. Say words like “texturize”, “frame” and “long-layers” because you know what you’re doing.

Have sex in your friend’s apartment. Do it while her roommate is out of town, in her roommate’s bed. You’ll wash the sheets. Your friend will be in her room having sex with someone too. Giggle when you can hear her through the butterfly thin walls. Lay beside the man in bed with you, correction: the boy. Let his weary fingertips scale up and down your leg as you pretend to sleep. Pretend he is your husband. Wake up in the morning with his arm around you and breathe in the velvet thick moisture of the…

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Name Value

This is a terribly late post-pw reflection on the entire year. Team mitochondria… can’t believe that we came up with that name almost on an impulse, was it just because we were learning about organelles at that point in time and thought the name sounded cute? Anyway, upon looking back, I realise how apt the name is. This group that I’ve been part of can be the craziest bunch of people ever (exhibit A: our Sakae sushi buffet lunch yesterday) 

Okay… everybody is doing the very cliche this year has been very tough, but i’m so blessed to have been part of this group. 

Not gonna do that bs. I’m sorry, I just don’t believe in romanticizing something at the end, when the process was just hell. 

This group, we worked well together. If something was given to us, then we would do it rather efficiently I suppose? And everyone was quick to offer to do a certain part etc. So I suppose teammitochondria was a good  group to be in. But tbh, I don’t feel much now that PW is over, sure I’ve gotten closer to them, but that’s about it. We didn’t slog our guts out, so maybe that’s why I don’t feel of the GPF like our baby or anything. 

It’s my birthday soon. Somehow this year I’m especially looking forward to it. I haven’t felt that way in a while, it’s always just been another day. I think it’s partially because it’s always in the holidays, so I’m already in the relaxed mood and I don’t think much of it.  With one more year only left to be in RV, it’s almost as if I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I really hope that life will be better after that, so being one year older will just mean I’m nearer to getting out of the hell and probably, finally being recognized as what/who I want to be.

Hit And Run

Some people need to work on their coherence level. You should have had plenty of time to type out that ask, rephrase it practically a million times, and yet the argument could be pulled down within 3 seconds flat. Dear anon, you’ve really outdone yourself this time. 

Entertainment for this pw period. I have never been more amused at some stranger in our level. 

In other news (that needs more brain cells), I have O.P. tomorrow, it’s 9:18 already and the news still hasn’t sunk in that it’s the A levels. I hope I won’t have a panic attack just before we present. I have confidence in my script.

I can do this. 

I wrote a short angst fanfiction today. Really unfortunate timing that my inspiration always hits me when I’m in a rush for time. But yeah, at least my creative writing skills are not moot yet. Can’t believe that entire few pages came from a single line of lyrics and yet at other times I can sit down with the most well written story line and give up after 3 sentence. 

I shall go back to studying questions. Hopefully the question will be something that we had prepared for.


Put your insoles and challenge me

My mood tonight went from huh to what the actual hell to huh and then now I’m just plain laughing at the person. Is that person really stupid enough to want to create some dissent among our groups? Do you really think it will work once both parties realizes what’s happening? If you aren’t even from our groups and you have the nerve to comment about our presentation, well then hat’s off to you, I bet your pw is so perfect that you have the time to criticize what we are doing. 

If you don’t get the perfect grade or something, then well two words. Fuck. Off. ❤


It’s really nice to know that I have friends that care that much. It went from last year, where I just felt like utter crap all the time since I wasn’t happy at all, to now, where I feel like I’m so blessed to know all these people, for all the encouragements and well, just being them.

In retrospect, I feel like such a horrible friend. I’m not really eloquent in expressing my emotions to others, so maybe I haven’t really told them that I really treasure their friendship, and I’m not kidding when I say that I would give my life up for them. They are worth that much to me, really.

Saw the line on tumblr that said the phrase ‘blood is thicker than water’ is a horrible misuse of the original quote, which was “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”, meaning that the bonds you forge can be stronger than the bonds just because of pure biology. That makes so much more sense than the quote that we use nowadays tbh.

So I guess the whole point of this point is to thank the people who randomly came up/ called me to wish me good luck for the horrible presentation and kind of made my whole day better aka xuerong and rc and others.

Gosh I love all of you so much ❤

edit : the more I think about it, the more that I feel like I really don’t deserve all my friends. I basically snap at them for the smallest thing, and well, I’m not the calmest girl around, so I feel ten times more grateful that they have stuck by me all this while