Paperweight

It’s our first day of actual practice and people are already done with their O.P. I think this put us all in a very angst mood since we still have to make so many changes and yet other people are celebrating right in front of us. I mean, yes, good for you, you’re done, but can you be any less subtle about the fact that you’re free already? 

Anyway, our level has a lot of people that just suck in general. I’m not even kidding. One glance around our level and somehow I get pretty disgusted at the people that I have to share the same year of birth with. It’s pretty mean of me to say this, but I don;t regret it. Many of them have their heads stuck in the clouds anyway. I’m going to do work this year- as in actually getting money for myself. That’s a pretty daunting prospect. Hopefully it goes well. 

Time to return to O.P again sigh

The Boy Named Crow

I finished murakami’s kafka on the shore today. It feels like everybody’s read a book of his that it sounds almost cliche to be mentioning him. But anyway, it feels like from the way everyone is describing him, I was supposed to get some sort of revelation when I reached the end. It just ended up being question piled upon question. Maybe I’m too shallow to know the deeper meaning behind those words or something?

I should try and read it again when I’m older. Maybe I would have gotten smarter by then. 

Going off on a completely different tangent here but there’s been a lot of pretty mvs recently. I feel like even if the song doesn’t appeal to me I’ll just watch it because it’s so pleasing to the eyes. Gosh I want a new room so I can decorate it to my tastes..

Why is my head always filled with random things like this sigh. 

D-8 from pw. I can do this. Final lap. 

Yeah I really have nothing better to say.  

Protected:

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Seven Devils;

I got asked on tumblr whether I get jealous easily. Looking at that ask, I got stumped. I can’t believe I actually went to look this up , but anyway; as defined by freedictonary.com, jealousy is ‘fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position’. 

I do get scared of losing affection I think. I often second guess myself whether a person still likes me or not, and half the time I automatically assume that people are completely done with me, so I try to avoid them for a while. Which is probably not the best strategy. But time and time again I assume that’s the best way to deal with a problem. So yes, I am probably guilty of getting jealous. And yet that leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. Jealousy is a word with a very negative connotation, so I’m kind of apprehensive whether I want to consider myself jealous.

Wistful? wistful might be a better option. I will look and want that thing from that person, but I won’t physically plot how to steal that away from them. 

Okay, changing topic, life has been pretty great this few weeks. School has ended! and all that’s left is project work, which is pretty fine for me, since public speaking doesn’t really get to me. Probably the only part I worry about is the Q&A.

Someone get me jieun’s wardrobe please her clothes are so nice omfg. 

just go to hell

Okay the title is a bit strong, but this is the sentiment I am having towards her at this moment. (edit: lots of swearing later on so yeah…)

Are we even a family anymore? god when is the last time I saw your face. We aren’t even a fucking family if you go straight to your room and lock yourself in there all night. How dare you. Letting our dad knock on the door for so long and you couldn’t even fucking talk to him properly about why you wouldn’t even want to open the damn door. How fucking rude can you get. 

Seriously? What is this? some teenage rebellion that you are going through. Get a life. You aren’t the only one with problems in this family. What the hell makes you think you have the right to act all high and mighty with the rest of us. You little fucker. Just get lost from my sight 

Powdered snow;

until our hearts become white-dyed

It’s been a tough week. All the fluctuating emotions, the highs and lows. Next week is going to be our last week of school, and our level deserves this break. We have all been so highly strung up over the year, torn down by results and friends and we’ve had to put ourselves back piece by piece a million times over. 

I think, this holiday I am going to do something different. In past years, I would always crave to go out at any possible chance I could. Sure I lounged around at home also, but a good part of my time was spent outside. This holiday, I am going to spend a lot of time with myself. I’ve been doing that quite a lot recently. My phone isn’t connected, my laptop is off and I read. That’s it. It’ll give me some time to ponder about things and find myself again in the clutter that has been my life. In the past year, I’ve made so many rapid changes that I can’t even remember who I was just a year ago already. I kind of want to find that girl again. The one who was more confident and didn’t have to retract her statements because it sounded wrong and pretentious when it came out of her mouth. 

After PW, people can forget about finding me for a week or so, just to let people have a head’s up. 

I saw this quote recently: “If there were no mistakes some people wouldn’t be born”. Which I think is quite apt to some of our groups’ situations recently. People aren’t pulling their fair share of the work, and it is so unfair. If I were in that group I would have complained a thousand fold over already. Why is it that some people are just like this, they suck and they just can’t be bothered to fix their flaws.

It was a wrong move to give humans free will. That’s my honest opinion. Why else would there be so much suffering and misery in the world. 

It is 12:40 and I am wide awake. I shall go read till I am sleepy. G’night.

I’m very very good

Image

(cos zelo is good looking as hell)

Today has been a mixed day of sorts, got the shocking news that our level was going to find out if we were promoted bright and early in the morning. Miraculously, I didn’t have to go to either one of the venues, which probably means that I’m safe, so that made me really happy. On the other hand, I feel very bad for people who had to find out practically the toughest news ( i would expect) in their lives up till now. 

It just felt so awkward trying to approach them later on in class, almost like there was already a clear divide between us. I suppose at this point in time it’s best to let things cool off and, well allow them to process the information on their own. I suck at giving advice anyway, I have no idea how to make a person feel remotely better at all. 

I felt that such a heavy weight had been lifted off from my shoulders. At least there was news, instead of leaving us hanging there. 

I’m pretty excited for next year, it’s going to fly by and then it’ll be on to a totally new chapter of my life, which I am looking forward to after 6 years of being in the same school. Here’s to a better life.

We Aren’t Made To Be Ignored

Thought Catalog


Sitting in church recently, I watched the usher walk down the aisle extending the collection basket into each pew so the congregation could drop in their envelopes, one by one.

A few rows in front of me sat a little girl with her family. She must have been two or three. Small, curly hair. Her mother had given her the family’s envelope to drop in the basket when it was their turn.

Somehow, the usher missed the little girl. He must not have seen her there, eagerly holding the envelope out in anxious anticipation. She must have been too small, too reserved. She must have been drowned out by all the commotion of adults singing along to the hymn that was playing, and lots of bigger people sitting around her, blocking her from view.

He walked past that family’s pew, not stretching out the basket and thus not giving the…

View original post 427 more words

Dancing Letters

Been in a melancholic slump lately. It’s as if you’re just climbing out from a dark whirlpool only to get sucked back in again. At this point, I’m just praying for the best. One more day to put me out of my misery. 

But that’s not the point of this blog post. Thought catalog had a post about trusting people. I don’t know if this is a particularly ‘scorpio’ thing to do, but I’ve always had trouble trusting people. Whenever I see somebody, I’ll automatically assume the worst about them, all the downright horrible things they could turn out to be. Many a time I’ve been surprised that people are kinder, better than they look. Obviously I’ve also been tricked before. Especially after that incident happened, it’s like someone pulled a dark grey cover over the way that I looked at the world. I began to take note of injustices that I used to casually sweep under the rug. Honestly, I wonder if I can ever go back to looking at that group of people the same way. Gives me the creeps to think about it now. 

I know the paragraph is vague, but I think that kind of thing needs to be shared face to face. So.

okay I shall start working on that fic 😀 

oh yes on another note my wordpress is starting to look like my tumblr, what with the amount of reblogs. I shall try to cut down on them. I suck at writing long posts what is my life.